


calling out for someone to hold tonight

by localopa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Louis, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Straight Harry, apparently i like hurting, i mean technically but if you’re here for the fucking i’m sorry this is angst station, lot of angst, not for long yikes!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:08:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27703244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localopa/pseuds/localopa
Summary: harry’s straight. louis isnt. they still manage to fall in love.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 72





	calling out for someone to hold tonight

**Author's Note:**

> wow another angst fic? ollie, im shaking with your range. i know what you’re thinking, it’s tagged bottom louis so it shouldn’t be that angsty, right? wrong, apparently, according to my lovely beta, daisy. thank you to that lovely peach for betaing this, cade for letting me use your likeliness, and one direction for making me gay. title of this fic comes from home by one direction. enjoy. 
> 
> xx. oliver

louis knew he was fucked the first time they had sex. 

the sexual tension between him and harry was palpable, everyone could sense it. the way harry always touched him, louis being no better. the way harry would stare at louis’ lips for long moments while he was talking. 

the first time they fuck, they had just finished finals their first semester of uni. 

as tacky and as cliché as it is, they were roommates. oh, my god, they were roommates.  _ roommates _ . so they had the whole room to themselves. they were in the midst of packing stuff up for their trek home when suddenly, harry stops. he stares at louis like there's something on him and before louis can voice his concern, their lips collide in a way that louis swore he saw stars. 

it was no secret to their friend group that louis idolized harry. that he’s practically in love with him. the two were inseparable, essentially living out of each other’s pockets. so harry kissing him was just… just…

words could not describe what louis was feeling in that moment. 

immediately, he kisses back, moaning quietly against his lips. his hands fists at the hem of harry’s shirt and all too quickly, they’re naked and harry has two fingers inside of him. he’s whispering sweet words of encouragement into louis’ skin, telling how good he is and how much of a good boy he was. 

louis can only answer with whimpers and moans, hips moving back on harry’s fingers. he whines at the loss of his fingers, only to be replaced with harry’s cock that shuts him right the fuck up. 

“yeah, you like that?” harry groans into his ear, hips snapping inside of him. “being so good for me, baby.”

it could’ve been minutes or it could’ve been years, but it’s over much too soon for louis’ liking. the feeling of harry inside him will fuel his wet dreams for months on end, the feeling of harry emptying inside of him and feeling  _ full  _ for once. he comes with a shout, whimpering as his body wracks through his orgasm. 

louis falls asleep not long after, harry cleaning him up and continuing to tell him that he’s a good boy,  _ his _ good boy. he smiles as he drifts off to slumber, harry wrapped around his back. 

the high of being fucked by the love of his life is short lived when he wakes up alone the next morning, nothing but a text from harry thanking him for the night before. 

he’s never felt so used in his life. 

-

they don’t talk about it, because of course they don’t. instead louis buries his feelings deep inside himself and pretends his heart hasn’t been broken by a straight man. 

because he’s not heartbroken, especially not by one heterosexual harry. 

louis pretends he isn’t hurt when, confident in his sexuality, harry makes out with niall drunk before yelling _BROOOO_ _i’m straight!,_ the both of them laughing. he pretends he isn’t hurt when harry brings home girl after girl, having to escape to zayn’s dorm as to not to disturb them. he pretends he isn’t hurt when harry tells the friend group about his _girlfriend_. 

louis can pretend all he wants, but it hurts when he sees harry and his stupid girlfriend kiss in the quad, stopping in his tracks so that zayn runs into him. 

“the fuck?!” zayn exclaims, about to go off on louis when he sees what’s going on. “oh, babes…” he mumbles as he wraps an arm around louis, pulling him in the direction of the dorms. 

fuck harry and fuck louis for falling for a straight guy. 

-

louis doesn’t go to his dorm for a week, holing up in zayn’s. he only goes to his when he knows harry is gone for class, packing an overnight bag and grabbing all his school stuff to stay away indefinitely. he can’t stand to be in the same place where harry fucked him so good, where he thought harry felt the same.

luckily, their majors are different; louis a theatre major while harry’s into the art of photography. the buildings are close but not close enough that, if louis takes a different path, he doesn’t run the risk of running into harry. sure, it takes him an extra fifteen minutes to get to the dorms, but it’s worth it to not see the man who’s shattered his heart. 

through the grapevine that is their friends, louis hears that harry has been sad. at first, he’s almost giddy, thinking that harry feels the same way. then he comes to find out it’s because harry and his girlfriend broke up. 

the only reason louis goes back to his dorm is because he needs more clothes, and zayn’s don’t fit him the way harry’s clothes do. that’s what louis tells himself when he finds himself outside their shared dorm, hand poised to knock, when harry opens the door. 

“oh,” is all harry says, brows furrowed. “could've sworn you moved out.”

louis swallows. “no,” he responds, voice high. “i still technically live here.” he points to the whiteboard next to the door. “still says  _ louis t.  _ right there.”

harry stares at the whiteboard before raising his hand and wiping off louis’ name. “there. now there’s no proof you’ve ever been here.”

harry pushes past louis, taking a bite of the apple in his hand as he walks off to wherever he’s going. louis stands in the doorway, trying not to cry. 

in retaliation, he trashes their shared room. he yells and screams until his lungs give out and someone calls for the ra. he flings harry’s things all over, messing up his once neat bed and nearly breaking everything in sight. once the r.a., a lovely man by the name of nick, comes to see what the ruckus is about, louis is crying in the middle of the room, sobbing into his hands while his body shakes. 

nick suggests lightly that maybe he should go home for the weekend. 

what louis does instead is pack up all his things, load them into his car, goes home, and sends in his letter of resignation. 

-

his mum, bless his mum, takes him back home with open arms. they don’t talk about what’s going on, what’s made him suddenly drop out. she lets louis back into the house without question, gives him his room back, and lets him know he’s loved. 

three weeks after abruptly arriving home, he breaks down in his mum’s arms as he recounts what happened. she rubs his back as he hiccups out the (mum-safe) details and promises to get a job and help out. she tells him not to worry about a job, but louis tomlinson is nothing if not stubborn, so he stands his ground firmly that he will get a job. 

the only person he’s kept in contact with is zayn, deleting and blocking harry’s number once he made it back to doncaster. it’s not that he doesn’t like any of his other friends, he only has the energy to keep up with zayn. zayn tells him about what goes on in their group, steering clear of anything harry related. 

louis is thankful for a man like zayn, someone to keep him levelheaded and keep him sane as he works through whatever he’s going through. he tells zayn about what it’s like working at the local coffee shop, what his little sisters and brother are doing, what it’s like to feel completely loved by those who are around him. 

it’s perfect, he thinks. it’s perfect and just right for him. 

-

“louis,” cade pokes her head in the back room where louis is munching on a sandwich. “there’s someone here for you.”

“if it’s me mum or any of me siblings, tell them to fuck off,” he says with his mouth full, covering his mouth. 

cade shakes her head. “never seen this guy before, but he’s acting like it’s important.”

louis swallows, rolling his eyes. “can they wait like a couple minutes for me to finish?” 

cade nods before disappearing to the front, only coming back to give him a thumbs up. he finishes up his sandwich and drink, dusting off the crumbs from his apron before getting up and walking to the front. not bothering to look up while he adjusts his apron, he starts speaking. 

“you could've called, z,” he laughs, the laugh cutting short when he looks up to see who's here. 

“not really,” harry says, hands in his pocket. “not with you blocking my number.”

louis falters for a nanosecond before regaining his composure, clearing his throat. “maybe you should’ve taken the hint. can i get you anything, sir?”

harry’s nostrils flare. “louis…”

“unfortunately, that isn’t on the menu. can i get you anything that  _ is  _ on the menu or are you just going to waste my time?”

“louis, stop that.”

“that’s  _ also _ not on the menu, i’m sorry we couldn’t help you today, but it’s probably in your best interest to take your business elsewhere.” with that, louis turns on his heels, walking towards the back room. 

“lou-“

“is there something i could assist you with, sir?” cade cuts in, smiling her best customer service smile. 

harry sighs, shaking his head. “no, just ask him to give me a chance?”

“i’ll pass it on,” cade gives a curt nod before helping the next person in line. 

louis doesn't leave the back room until he knows for sure that harry is gone. how he knew where louis lived, where he worked, is beyond him. the only people who knew were his family and zayn, and he doubts either would be worn down enough to tell him. he hates the way his heart hammered in his chest at the sight of harry, hates the way his knees felt weak. 

he doesn’t cry, not at work, not when cade comes to check on him, not on the drive home. he doesn’t cry when his mum asks him how work was, when he hands over the day’s tips to her. 

he  _ does  _ cry when his head hits his pillow, sobs muffled by the pillow. he does cry as he curls in on himself, as his knees tuck into his chest and his arms wrap around them. he does cry himself to sleep, not wanting to bother anyone with the heartbreak that keeps on happening. 

-

the next day, louis is off, thank god. he spends the day lazing in bed, watching netflix on his laptop. his sisters and brother pop in and out randomly, but he spends most of the day alone. 

that is until-

“achoo?” he hears ernie say, head tilted to the side.

“yes, bub?” louis sits up, closing his laptop.

“someone’s here to see achoo,” ernie bumbles over towards the bed, grabbing louis’ hand and pulling him downstairs. 

“ernie, you don’t need to pull on me,” he laughs, following his brother down the steps carefully. “i can follow just fine.”

ernie nods, keeping his grip on louis’ hand until they get to the bottom of the steps. “there’s a boy in there, achoo.”

louis furrows his brows, walking towards the living room. he freezes when he sees a familiar mop of curls, laughing at some joke his mum told him. 

“louis!” his mum exclaims when she sees him. “you didn’t tell me abo-“

“harry,” louis says, tight lipped smile on his face. “how nice of you to show up. unannounced.”

“louis…” his mum had a warning tone in her voice, giving him a pointed look. 

“no, he’s right,” harry says, getting up to walk over to louis. “i did show up without warning. and i apologize.”

louis swallows. “how about we go up to my room? is that fine, mum?”

“of course,” his mum barely gets out before louis turns and goes back up the steps, assuming harry would follow. 

once they make it up to his room, he shuts the door so nobody would bother them. privacy in a nine person household is rare, and he doesn’t want anyone to disrupt them. he sighs, turning to harry and giving a meek smile. 

“wha-“

“why did you run away, louis?” harry says first, wringing his hands. 

louis sighs. “i did what i needed to do to be okay.”

“so that meant dropping out of uni and running back home to mummy?”

louis freezes for a second before filling with anger. “excuse me, harry. but if i thought that was what i needed, then fuck you for making me sound like i’m weak.”

“so blocking my number was a part of getting better?”

“yes! you absolute dickhead! everything i’ve done is for the betterment of me and you have no right coming into my house and telling me off for it.”

harry opens his mouth before quickly shutting it. “is this because we fucked?” he mumbles, looking down at his feet. 

louis wasn’t prepared for that question. sighing, he nods. “it was a mistake and we shouldn’t have done it.”

“what makes it a mistake?”

“because you’re straight, harry!” he yells a little too loud, groaning. “i’m not. it meant a lot more to me than it did to you. and it shouldn’t have happened, okay?”

“why?” harry looks up at him, looking like he’s about to cry. 

“because you’re straight, and i’m gay. those two things aren’t good for fucking,” louis rubs his hand over his face. “you don’t get to look like that, either! you’re not the one who acted like it never happened and then acted like a dick when i came back to the dorm.”

“what did you want me to say, louis?!” harry yells back, tears already streaming down his face. “that it was the best lay of my life? that all i’ve been thinking about is how i can win you back?”

“don’t fucking lie to me,” louis spits back, on the verge of tears himself. 

“but i’m not! that’s the thing, louis. i’ve been straight all my life until you waltzed into it. and then we have one confrontation since having sex and you drop out immediately?”

louis sniffles, looking down. “couldn't handle being around you anymore.”

harry makes a hurt noise. “why not just talk to me?”

“because  _ you  _ would act like i was the scum of the earth.  _ you  _ immediately got a girlfriend.  _ you _ continued to act straight.”

harry sniffles, wiping the back of his hand across his nose. he walks over to louis, grabbing his hands. “i’m sorry, yeah? i didn’t know how to handle feelings towards you, and i took it out in the worst way. can you forgive me?” harry reaches up to wipe away tears forming in louis’ eyes, biting his lip. 

louis doesn’t answer for a moment, shoulders shaking. he can’t look harry in the eye, because if he does then he’ll give in. he needs to be strong, for once. so, gently, he pushes himself out of harry’s reach, taking shaky breaths as he steps back. 

“i think you should go,” is all he says, not daring to look up. 

louis hears a choked sob, and then footsteps on retreating and his door closing. he collapses onto his bed, curling up with his pillow and begins to cry. 

if he made the right decision, why does it hurt so much?

-

louis doesn’t see harry for weeks, months even. break comes and goes for zayn, spending every waking moment with the lad to hide the fact he’s hurting inside. he takes to drinking way too much when they’re out and sobbing on zayn’s shoulder in the cab ride back. zayn knows why he’s crying without even asking, just pets his hair as louis becomes inconsolable in the back of a seedy car. 

it’s not heartbreak, he keeps telling himself. it’s the consequences of his actions. 

“you know,” zayn says one day, flicking his cigarette out of his fingers, “harry asks after you.”

this is not something louis was expecting. “why?” he asks, taking a drag of his own.

“because he’s in love with you, you idiot.”

it makes louis laugh, he’s been practicing. “he’s 18 and the world is his oyster. he’s definitely not in love with stupid old me.”

zayn opens his mouth to say something, but decides against it. instead, he takes out another cigarette and lights up. 

with zayn gone, louis picks up more shifts at work. he works with cade a lot, which is nice to see a familiar face more often than not. she doesn’t pry but gently asks what ever happened to harry. it takes a couple of askings before louis finally tells her the story. 

“well, you’re an idiot,” cade tells him as she makes a drink, wiping off the steamer stick with a rag. 

“how do you mean?” louis asks, unable to help himself. 

“you have a chance at happiness and you’re nipping it in the bud because...?”

“he’s straight?” louis answers like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, writing a name and type of drink on a cup and handing it off to cade. “did you miss the part where he’s straight, miss cade?”

“and did  _ you  _ miss the part where he told you he had feelings for you?” she says, handing off a drink with a smile before taking the next cup. “honestly, you lot make me happy i’m a lesbian.”

louis stops, looking affronted at cade. “first of all, you never told me that, so more details will be needed. second, he literally had a girlfriend.”

“and i literally had a boyfriend before we both realized we were completely and utterly gay,” cade rolls her eyes. “god, you’re so stubborn, louis. you have a boy who’s obviously pinning over you and you’re letting him slip away because you think he’s still straight.”

“but-“

cade holds up a finger, handing off the last drink to a customer with another smile. “but nothing. as your friend and coworker, i refuse to let you sit around and play victim when you could be having a real chance at happiness!”

louis’ shoulders slump, sighing. “you’re a mean lesbian.”

cade curtsies with her apron. “i take it as a compliment.”

-

with cade’s wisdom (and thinly veiled threats), louis is on his way back to campus for the first time since he dropped out. 

he has a plan. a shitty plan. but a plan nonetheless. 

first step of his plan is to get into the building where he and harry used to live together. this step is easy, because zayn happens to live in the same building and lets louis in, no problem. 

the next step is to get harry to talk to him. not as easy as it sounds. 

zayn is with him the whole time to hype him up in the most zayn way possibly, punching his shoulder and saying “you better not fuck this up” before leaving once he gets him to harry’s dorm. louis feels like he’s going to puke as he knocks on the door, rocking back on his heels as he waits for an answer. 

“liam, i told you i’m f-“ harry cuts himself off as he opens the door, looking louis up and down. “what are you doing here?”

louis swallows. “surprise?”

“what are you doing here?” harry asks again, pulling him into the room. “how’d you get in here?” 

“zayn says hi,” louis says once he’s inside the dorm, taking a look around. it looks and smells like one boy lives here, stuff all over the place and things spread out across the room. 

“i ask again, what are you doing here?” harry crosses his arms over his chest, sitting on his bed. which -

“is that my old bed?” louis asks instead of answering, pointing to where harry is sitting. 

harry blushes. “so what if it is?”

“why are you sleeping in my old bed?” louis steps forward, feeling brave. 

“uh…” harry trails off, looking anywhere but at louis. “it smelled like you?”

“ _ what?!” _

“okay! here me out!” harry says, hands up in defense. “i was missing you a lot, and the only thing i had left of you after you left was your bed. so i just, kind of slept in it to feel better?”

“that sounds like a stalker thing to do, harry.”

harry swallows. “it made me feel better after you had gone. i can't explain it better than that.”

louis finally nods, accusing finger down by his side. he takes a moment to gather his thoughts before he says, “i’m here because of a mean lesbian.”

“what?” harry looks up at louis, eyebrows furrowed. 

“cade, my mean lesbian coworker, essentially told me i was being stupid for not giving you a chance. so, i’m here to give you a chance.”

harry looks at louis for a long time, before getting off his bed and striding over to louis. he cups louis’ face with his hands, rubbing his thumb across the high point of his cheek. he looks like he’s about to cry. 

“you’re being serious?” harry asks in a small voice, eyes darting all over louis’ face. 

louis simply nods, taking in a shaky breath before harry brings their lips together. it’s a gentle kiss, nothing but love behind it. louis’ hands go up to harry’s shoulders, pulling him even closer than they already are. 

when they break, harry’s smiling. “i love you, you know?”

louis blushes. “i’m getting there.”

-

“so,” cade says after handing off the last drink of a rush, “how’d it go?”

louis blushes. “it went well.”

cade claps her hands, bouncing in her spot. “how well? did you get laid?” louis’ blush deepens. “you slag! you did, didn’t you?”

“shut up,” louis says, looking around before, “yes, i got laid, okay? now shut up before someone hears you.”

cade smiles, a sparkle in her eye. “i told you it would work out.”

louis sighs, nodding. “yeah, it did. and i’m really happy.” the door opens and in comes a mop of curls and a wide smile. louis smiles back. “well, hello, sir. what can i get for you?”

harry laughs, shaking his head. “was wondering when your break was, or when you’re off.”

louis looks over at cade. she waves him off. “go on, take your break. be gross with your boyfriend.”

louis is bouncing on his feet as he takes off his apron and goes around the counter, hugging harry close. “i missed you.”

“and i missed you, love,” harry kisses his nose. 

louis pulls away, grabbing one of harry’s hands and pulling him towards a table. they spend louis’ break being “gross,” as cade calls it, holding hands and sneaking kisses. and once it’s over, harry promises to pick louis up from work for a proper date. 

once harry leaves, cade knocks their hips together. “you’ve got a keeper.”

louis sighs happily. “yeah, i do, don’t i?”

**Author's Note:**

> tell me how to not write angst on tumblr @ voulezloux


End file.
